Bro-Ken

Callused, broken, and bruised.

Jaded and abused.

Let someone in again?

Fuck that, I refuse.

What do I have to lose? Finding my muse?

I think I’ll take the bet, because I’ll never forget.

Once I took a knee and now it’s just a reminder of what couldn’t be.

It’s like the rabbit in the hat magic trick.

Pouring your heart and soul into another, only to be told they prefer another.

It’s a trick.

Fuck that.

I don’t think I can open up again. I try but nothing. I can’t.

I’m scared.

I’m lonely and I’m scared.

Companionship with another seems like such a distant idea now.

A dream.

Is it even possible? At this point is it even plausible?

I don’t think it’s probable.

And I don’t write out these thought to be a parable.

I’ve spent too much time that was mine on another.

Now it’s gone forever.

Emotionally I’m wrecked. I’m hyper sensitive to the things I dislike – to the point I don’t even recognize what I do like.

The keys that once made me open are all gone – they’re now a representation of the things that have all gone wrong.

I’ve come so far now and letting someone in again, that’s a risk my heart is just not willing to take.

No, this isn’t fake.

It’s a blessing and its curse.

To have so much love to give but never being able to forgive.

I’m filled with anger and resentment that will not let me be.

I plea.

I just want to be free.

How does one let go of the past when the present is moving so fast?

Will these feelings ever pass?

Because in these times I deny being a romantic.

And this is causing my heart to be frantic.

Or am I just allowing myself to be a bit of a manic.

Regardless of the rhymes that I have written here I will not deny that I am in fear.

Like that of oncoming headlights for a deer.

I’m frozen, stiff, and scared.

I don’t know what moves to make or which way to go.

It’s because of this pain that I cannot let go.

The thought of opening up and becoming vulnerable once more.

It has me stiff as a board.

The truth is, I’m selfish.

Truly I’m selfless.

I protect myself by being selfish.

I can’t risk it again. Giving my time and energy to another – it makes me run in fear like a child to its mother.

I can’t open up to another.

So please, don’t even bother.

Because I’ll just continue to run farther.

Leave me be and let it be.

One day I’ll be free of this pain that haunts me.

Until then.

Onward to my self-decree.

Live – Laugh – Love – And be free.

 

KS

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If The Universe Speaks, Will You Listen.

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Today Was A Victory Over My Former Self